


Only If For a Night

by PinkCanary



Category: Zombies Run!
Genre: F/F, Gen, Season 3 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-29
Updated: 2014-11-29
Packaged: 2018-02-27 11:36:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2691497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkCanary/pseuds/PinkCanary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You think that perhaps your sanity is not so great a price, if it means that you get to hold on to this.</p>
<p>MAJOR SPOILERS FOR ALL OF SEASON 3.  And everything before that.  Like, seriously.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Only If For a Night

**Author's Note:**

> I entirely blame samyaos' amazing Five/Eight fanmix for this. Seriously, give it a listen: http://8tracks.com/samyaos/death-at-our-heels-slim-chance-of-escape

You decide to try it out one day.

You’re in the middle of a long, quiet stretch of a solo run, when you reach down and turn the dial on your headset. Sam’s voice - midway through recounting some story about Maxine that Paula had told him - is silenced with a loud click. The sudden nothingness is almost overwhelming. 

You open your mouth to speak, and at first nothing comes out. You rarely speak while on runs, and the act seems foreign, almost unsettling. You try again.

“Eight?”

Nothing. You’re not sure what you expected. 

And so you reach back down and turn your headset back on. Sam’s voice returns, and you’re relieved when you realize that your absence went entirely unnoticed. 

You’re not sure what you expected, but the disappointment is still there.

=

You run out to the headland on a cool, bright autumn day. On the surface, you are heading in to a nearby village to look for supplies. Your run has been cleared by Janine, and though she gave you a knowing look, she didn’t ask any further questions. 

You know that Janine still grieves for Sara, though the two of you have never discussed her. Janine grieves in her own way, and you cope in yours.

The pier juts out into the water ahead of you, and you begin to approach the wooden structure cautiously. 

“Five? You’re veering off course.” 

You are so lost in your own thoughts, that you had forgotten Sam’s “presence” on your run. 

“I’m going to turn off my radio and sit down here for a few minutes, Sam. Keep an eye on me with the cameras, will you?”

Sam sputters a bit. He hates any deviation from routine. “I don’t know, Five—“

You click off the radio, anyway, and walk out on to the pier. The wood is dark and slippery under your feet, and you’re once again shocked at how quickly nature begins to reclaim the world. It’s only really been a couple of years - a handful of months - and already these unused structures are losing the battle to the elements. 

You reach the spot that Sara had directed you to during her funeral and bend down to touch the wood where her package had been hidden. There is nothing there now, but your fingers still linger over the area. You had been shocked on that day to actually find something; confirmation that Sara had really been there with you. 

Confirmation that losing her hadn’t been the one thing that finally drove you truly mad.

(you knew that it had been coming for awhile)

But that small package full of files and ID cards had been proof that some part of Sara was still with you, guiding you, running along at your side. You had felt her presence that day as you stood on that pier, watching Janine crying openly. 

You did not cry. Not with Sara standing right beside you. 

You look out over the water, searching for that presence now, but you find yourself completely and utterly alone.

=

You keep Sara’s files in a hidden pocket in your backpack. 

You looked through them, of course, and you could even understand some of what you were reading, but you’re never really sure when they’re going to be important, and so you keep them with you at all times. 

Sometimes, on a supply run, you fill your pack to bursting, and you can feel the files jabbing sharply against your back. They take up space that could be used for something more…. imminent. Medical supplies, maybe, or electronics. 

And yet you always carry the files, allowing them to weigh heavily on your shoulders.

=

 

You look up from your meal as someone sits down across from you. Your eyes meet Sam’s, and you grin at him in amusement.

“So, I guess congratulations are in order….. dad.”

Sam flushes bright red and you have to bite your bottom lip to keep from laughing at his discomfort. 

“It would have killed Maxine to have that conversation in private, I guess? Nothing like broadcasting my private business to anyone within 50 miles with a radio.”

“Hey, Nadia seemed genuinely happy for you three.”

You didn’t think it would be possible for Sam to turn any brighter, but he seems to be turning purple at this point. 

“Yeah, I wasn’t sure that my interactions with Nadia could get any more awkward after that time that Abel was nearly overrun and I nearly told you….” He trails off. “Anyway, I think I have that beat. Lucky me.”

An awkward silence settles over the two of you. That day seems so long ago; you can barely remember a day when Sam would have told you that he was in love with you. So much has changed in the last year. You have changed. 

Your relationship with all of Abel’s residents has changed, but none so obviously as your relationship with Sam. The easy comfort that you used to have has been replaced by awkward silences and general avoidance. You know that part of this is due to leftover guilt and horror over the things that you did while mind controlled. 

You also know that Sam has found comfort in Paula and Maxine over the last few months. You are happy for them, you really are. 

But you also know that you are no longer the same person that you used to be. You are quieter, more reserved. It’s very rare for a smile to reach your eyes, these days. It’s like a big piece of your confidence came from having Sara’s stride fall into step with yours, and now that she’s gone, so is your conviction. 

You’re getting used to it.

Sam is looking at you strangely; cautiously optimistic. “We’re going to be in the rec tent celebrating, later, if you want to join us.” 

You give him a smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes. “I might come along later.”

You won’t. Sam knows that as well as you do.

=

“You know, Five, you really should be celebrating with the others. This is your victory.”

You smile up into the darkness of your tent. “Your victory, you mean.”

“Our victory. You and me, Five. Taking down Moonchild and her mind-controlled minions. Saving the world, again. I knew that I could trust you to carry out my work.”

This is the part that concerns you. “Now that your work is done, does this mean that you’re going to leave me?” 

“I’m dead, Five. I’ve already left you.” 

You scoff a bit. “And yet you’re still pulling all the strings.”

She laughs, and the sound stirs something in you, makes you ache in a way that has become all too familiar over the past year. “I can’t promise any specifics, but you know that I'll be there when you need me. That’s how us runners work. How we’ve always worked.”

“Can you stay with me, now, for a little while?” 

You can practically feel her smile. “Of course, my Five.”

You’ve been carrying around a weight for the last year, but it feels different now. You turn to roll on to your side and close your eyes. You’ve been aching for Sara’s presence for so long, and you feel it blanket you, filling you with a kind of comfort. Peace.

As you drift off to sleep, you think that perhaps your sanity is not so great a price, if it means that you can hold on to Eight forever.


End file.
